I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
