I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
