Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize