Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
