Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
