but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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