his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
