soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
