So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
