His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
