you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize