Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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