I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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