Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
