I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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