I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
