forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
