4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
