That's intense
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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