so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize