i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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