is wine microwaveable?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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