Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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