At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
40s are totally the cure
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
