It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
