tell your sister to shave her snatch
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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