You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
