Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
