i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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