I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
