btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
