I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
