They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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