Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
