She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
