4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
