5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
