i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize