Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
