I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
