What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
