It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Green mimosas i think yes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
