Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
