So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I intend to get homeless drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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