you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
