I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
