The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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