Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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