i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
