Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
