I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
