cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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