This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
