quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
