please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
