An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
