I heard we made out
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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