I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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