That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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