Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
