now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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