You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
