I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
