i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
