whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize