I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
