she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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