yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
