Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
