I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
