Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize