areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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