fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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