hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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