Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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