How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
