i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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