great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
