It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
