Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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