singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
