Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
