so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
