I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
