New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
