so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
