Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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