My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
