Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
