I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There r osticjed everywhere
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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