My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
