She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
