Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
