Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
