My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize