Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
