im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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